How to request an introduction (without feeling pushy)

First of all, understand that there is no shame in asking for an introduction. You saw a job you were interested in (or a person you’d like to meet), and you asked someone for a bridge to it. There is nothing wrong with that, people do that all the time. Don’t overthink it if someone doesn’t answer you or says no- it was a perfectly acceptable ask. 

Now that we got that out of the way, there is a way to ask for an intro well. For starters, the same rules of all communication apply here- be kind and respectful. People are much more likely to entertain a request if it was presented in a respectful manner and with warmth. 

Be direct and clear about your ask. People are more likely to help if they know what they are helping with. If you’re reaching out to someone who you aren’t close to or haven’t spoken to in a long time- be direct about what it is you’d like from them. Don’t send them a vague message and wait for a reply in order to ask for an introduction. Say what you want up front. If you send something generic like “How are you doing?” and then ask for an introduction, people might feel like you’ve baited and switched them. If you are going into a conversation knowing you want an introduction, go ahead and ask for it up front.

Keep the pressure off. When you ask for an introduction, you’re asking for a favor. If it is for a job, you’re also asking this person for some level of endorsement (i.e. “I worked with this person in my last company, they’re applying to one of our roles right now.”). Some people love being connectors, but not everyone feels comfortable with it. That’s okay. Make sure you’ve offered them an easy out in your message. For example:

• “I see you’re connected to Sarah Smith at Y Company. If you know her well/ if it is a close connection..” (you’ve given them an opportunity to say it isn’t a close connection)
• “If it is a good time…” (you never know what people are going through at work, if their organization is shifting or their role is changing, you’ve given them an easy out to say the timing isn’t right)
• “I know this is a big ask, so please don’t feel obligated.” (you’ve acknowledged that this might not be feasible for them)
• “I totally understand if this isn’t something you’re able to do.” (this is a clear cut out)

Give them something they can forward

When you ask for an introduction, you want to make it as easy as possible for the person you’re asking to follow through. When you send your message, give them the what (what are you asking for), the who (who are you asking to meet), and the why (some context about your ask). This should be a few short sentences or a small paragraph that explains who you are and what you’re asking. This way, your connection just needs to copy and paste it in order to send it along. Depending on the context, you could also offer to send them a more formal email that they can forward directly.

Say thank you

Showing appreciation and gratitude is always good practice, but especially in situations like this. “I would really appreciate it if you were able to introduce me to Sarah Smith” just reads so much better than “Will you introduce me to Sarah Smith?” Showing your appreciation for a potential introduction conveys your appreciation for their time. When you ask nicely, people are more willing to help. If not now, then perhaps later.

Pay it forward

We give this advice all the time at Meytier, but it is one of our favorite job search tips. Pay it forward. Networking is a two way street. Think about ways you can be a connector. Share a post from a job seeking friend, connect two people you think could help one another, write a reference for someone, endorse a colleagues’ skills on LinkedIn, etc. When you’re helping others, it will help you get past the mental barriers of asking someone else for help. 

We’d like to leave you with two final thoughts as you think about asking for introductions. First of all, people are really willing to help. Everyone knows how difficult job searching can be and most of us would be willing to lend a helping hand to someone else. Think of it this way- if the roles were reversed and this person was asking you, what would you say? Secondly, don’t take rejection too personally. If someone says no or doesn’t answer you, that is fine. You never know what the reason could be, they could be moving companies, preoccupied with a personal matter, have a complicated relationship with that person, or simply have just forgotten about it.